I recently had a conversation with a teenager about driving on the interstate. He mentioned that it made the most sense to match the speed of the cars in front of him, even if that meant he went over the posted speed limit. I conceded his argument, but only to a point. “So, how fast do you normally go?” I asked him. After some hemming and hawing, he admitted to driving way too fast. I decided that was a great metaphor for the sticky matter we call peer pressure.

As a parent of one teen, as well as three former teens, along with the fact that I was once a teen myself (though some might consider it happened a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away), I do have some insight into the precarious nature of those teen years. (Side note: our 15 year old asked my husband and me the other day if we had TV’s when we were growing up. We told him that the television was most definitely invented before our births in the mid-1970’s. Then my husband remarked that the internet was a different story and that he didn’t use the world wide web until after he was out of college, to which our son responded, “Well, you might not have used it, but the internet has always been there…like the moon.”)

I spend a lot of time on the road (mostly driving that “the internet is as old as the moon” kid), so I think a lot about those pesky speed signs. There are times that driving on the interstate can feel a bit like a video game—pass that slow car, anticipate this 18-wheeler’s next move, get in the right lane before my exit—and the speed limit I’m supposed to aim for mostly stays a constant as I maneuver around other drivers. As much as we don’t like it (especially when we’re getting a ticket!), those limitations are there to keep us safe. So if I get pulled over and I give the excuse that I was just matching my pace to the fastest fella drag-racing down the highway, the police officer probably isn’t going to let me off the hook.

Speed limit signs may be the best case scenario in making choices because they’re so black and white (both literally and figuratively), but life is full of situations cast in various gray tones. The job of the parent is to help our kids understand that there are actually right and wrong choices to be made. Just like there are rewards and consequences, chutes and ladders, to mix in a different metaphor. Too often, the choices for them (and for adults, too, if I’m being honest) are less about right and wrong and more about hard vs. easy, cool vs. dorky, invited vs. all alone, can-I-get-away-with-this vs. busted. These are tricky forks in the road to navigate, which is why it’s important to have trusted guides, firm leaders, and policies based on experience.

I’m the first to tell you that I don’t have all the answers, but I will say that we shouldn’t be afraid to tell our kids what they don’t want to hear. “Rules” and “Authority” can sound like bad words to a teen’s ears, but they are essential for the safety of their bodies, minds, and souls. We could talk about how their prefrontal cortex—the part of our brain where we solve problems and weigh choices—won’t fully develop until they’re around 25 years old, but you don’t have to understand anatomy to see that if they don’t know the speed limit or its value and importance, then they will follow the fastest, flashiest car out there and often to their detriment.